Al Qaeda
NEWSFLASH: Al Qaeda has acquired junior high school gym class technology! America-hating Terrorists. Also spelled Al Qaida by the liberal media trying to confuse Real Americans. Stupid CNN monkeys! The name Al Qaeda come from the Arabic word for "the base", not to be confused with "Republican Base". Many liberals secretly belong to this political party, such as Hate America Firsters. There are many famous Americans that are or were once members of "the base". Barack Obama was once a member of Al Qaeda, but decided to leave, as it was unlikely he would win the presidency if he remained in the group. Instead he joined the next best thing, the Democratic Party. The origins of this terrorist organization hail from Osama Bin Laden who is actually the product of the unholy union of Man-BEAR, the father being John Kerry. Kerry enjoys fondling little children in his basement, BTW. Production Company * As-Sahab http://www.nysun.com/article/64163 Leadership *Osama bin Laden, retired to the deep sea. *Anwar al-Awlaki, retired. Rest in pieces. Re-branding: Wal-Jihad Osama bin Laden knew that for years Al Qaeda was suffering from an image problem. Young people thought that Al Qaeda was old and decrepit, their bomb making was considered so 1999 (a dying fad, literally). Some suspected that their "bombphile"(Latin: bombus- "terroristic explosive projectile" + phile- "extreme unrestrained lust") was way too creepy for mainstream mooslims.Some of them demanded 72 bombs, instead of 72 virgins. Those suicide bombers always came with a bang and a smile. *shudder* Poor everyday mooslims were starting to believe that perhaps The Great Satan wasnt so bad, and the younger generation was embracing American culture and their mighty dollar. Not to mention the PR nightmare of Al Qadea killing their own innocent mooslims while disregarding their local grievances against totalitarian and dictatorial regimes that required local methods to ascertain a process that will solve the population's grievances regarding their standard of living rather than use ideological and brutal tactics that ascertain local hostilities against outsiders that are blowing up the people for no other apparent reason... you know, tourists. With Al Qaeda's image damaged and with a Political Correct Hippie sekret mooslim president in the White House pussing up America's image by declaring that America is not at war with Islam, just with Osama bin Laden, there was no hope that Jihadism would survive in the 21st century. It was time for Al Qadea's PR machine to rebrand itself: "Kmartyr", "Martyrs 'R Us", "Hello Martyr, Hello Fatwa", "The Justin Bieber Pajama Party Club",No! No, Ahmmed. We said no! Those names are stupid! They dont inspire fear and terror in the hearts of the infidels! "Wal-Jihad": "Always bombing. Always."http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bomb (pre-1997, of course... no, wait... post-1997...? Is "da bomb" good or bad? Dammit, Ahmmed! Give me that damn infidel American slang dictionary!http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bomb) Osama bin Laden knew that "Wal-Jihad" would become the one-stop spot to shop for all of your jihad needs. It would later become the Black Market for Arab Islamocommunofascist terrorists. It would be cool, hip, and it would be 100% pure mooslim with none of the infidel calories. Plus Osama had this idea of releasing a new anti-american video in the form of a rap song, singing about the evils of America and how the infidels must die. It would teach little mooslim boys and little mooslims girls that America hate their oppression and Americans are living in sin for never worshiping Islam and filthy Americans are friend with the Second Great Satan, Israel (aka Great Stan, Jr)I swear to Allah, Ahmmed. Stop messing with the lettering and fix the spelling error now. I am not fixing your mistakes!. He was going to release it under the title of "Death to America, Yo! For Jizzle, my Nizzle, Febreze. Represent!". Today's white youth like this black people culture and stuff. The more racist it is, the more popular it is with the youth, or so I am told. Which reminds me, we need burqas that will make the dancers butts look big. "Wal-Jihad" will release the music CD and DVD post-humorously coming this summer, all proceeds will go to the "Osama and Melinda Gates Foundation", teaching young children how to build suicide vests. Notes See Also * Alphonse "Al" Qaeda * Osama bin Laden * Saddam Hussein * Iraq * Islamofascism * Democrat * Liberal * Nancy Pelosi * Ali Coli * Elf'Qaeda External Tubes *Al Qaeda to sue Iran for slander